Asa Hutchinson Rebukes Jesus; News at 11

Begin Transcript:

Moderator: Hello, welcome to Both Sides Tonight on Coyote News Network. Tonight we will be discussing recent events at the Q nightclub in Colorado with a pair of guests debating the problem of transphobic language.

First up, let’s here from current Arkansas governor and aspiring Presidential candidate Asa Hutchinson. Good evening governor, and what would you like to say to your fellow Republicans whose transphobic language created the climate of hate that led to this shooting?

Governor Hutchinson: “I know you’re talking about Republicans, that we use rhetoric and words that try to bring people together and not divide us, and it’s true whether you’re talking about race or whether you’re talking about, you know, sexual identity, you don’t want to say things that’s going to cause others to hate more, and they might respond with violence. That is not what we need. We need to suppress that every chance we get.”

Moderator: Thank you governor. Now let’s here from the radical right which we all know your party represents. Although we intended to schedule Jesus the alleged Christ, He sent a representative instead. Hello, Mr., ummm?

Raguel: Raguel.

Moderator: Ah, Mr. Raguel. And you are?

Raguel: I’m the archangel of vengeance. I have authority to bind demons and fallen angels who violate the parameters of their allowed activities.

Moderator: Umm, okay, I see. So, Mr. Raguel, what do have to say for yourself after this horrific shooting? I mean really, should anyone, even an alleged angel or so-called son of God be using hate-filled language like “groomer”?

Raguel: I am authorized to say that as for anyone who causes offense to any of the children who believe on our Lord, it would be better for him to have a giant rock tied around his neck and be thrown into the ocean.

Moderator: REALLY???? Governor Hutchinson, what would you say to that?

Governor Hutchinson:  “I think that we need to show compassion for all elements. There is a debate we had this in Arkansas as to what you do with trans children that are struggling with gender identity and how you handle the medications and things like that. Those are fair points of discussion in the policy arena. But you don’t have to translate that into hate or harshness that again stigmatizes.”

Moderator: Well, Mr. Raguel, what is your take? After all, with the separation of church and state, shouldn’t the trans community be able to enjoy their lifestyle without any fear?

Raguel: In regards to human government on Earth, I have been authorized to say, “For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to evil. Do you want to be unafraid of the authority? Do what is good, and you will have praise from the same. For he is God’s minister to you for good. But if you do evil, be afraid; for he does not bear the sword in vain; for he is God’s minister, an avenger to execute wrath on him who practices evil.”

Moderator: Ummm, I’m not sure we’re allowed to say that on TV. I think we can all agree that reasonable people should avoid that kind of inflammatory rhetoric. What do you think, Governor Hutchinson?

Governor Hutchinson: “Well, in all of our society, we need to tone down harsh rhetoric that causes others to hate. That’s not what our society should be about.”

Moderator: Indeed, thank you governor. Mr. Raguel, you actually suggested these poor people should have rocks tied around their necks and be thrown into the ocean! Why can’t you use a more civil tone, like Governor Hutchinson?

Raguel: First of all, I didn’t say that. I said that having a rock tied around their necks and being thrown in the ocean would be the easy way out. What they truly have coming if they fail to repent will be far worse. As for civility in the face of pedophilia, my King has authorized me to say on His behalf, “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.”

Moderator: King? Authority? Seriously, who does this guy think he is? Does your boss really think he has the right to say that kind of things?

Raguel: All authority has been given to Him in Heaven and on Earth. He is the King of kings who rules at His Father’s right hand in Heaven.

Moderator: Really? Then why doesn’t he show up here himself? Why send some flunky to take question?

Raguel: He already came here once and bore witness to all things. He will come back at a time of his Father’s choosing, with flaming fire, taking vengeance on those that know not God.

Moderator: Okay, enough of all this vengeance talk all the time! Governor, what do you say to this stuff?

Governor Hutchinson:  “I think whenever, even in our own caucus, our own members, if they go the wrong direction, I mean, it has to be called out. It has to be dealt with, particularly whenever it is breaching the civility, whenever it is crossing the line in terms of violence or increasing the divide in our country.”

Moderator: Thank you governor, I think that would be a good note on which to move on. Next up, how to tell if your cat is transgender and how to identify its pronouns.

The links must flow…

Quit killing cereal….

Points in the maze…

The government wants you disarmed for what they have planned next….

Debate atheism/theism…

The Mostest Bestest….

I think this is a little off base, but whatever….



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3 responses to “Asa Hutchinson Rebukes Jesus; News at 11

  1. professorGBFMtm

    I remember being rebuked and reprimanded at church once ORKA!

    ” GBFM goes to church & is repeprimanded! zlozozlozozozozlzo and sist in the pew and whispersz to his friendz!!
    so i was in a shurch the other daay
    i was in church the other day
    and the minister had very nice hair
    and a big smile
    and i noticed dat all the young ladies
    were shifting around in their seat
    as they had sore buttholez
    so i leaned towards my friend
    and i whispered,
    “a lot of da womenz in my genenrtion have sore buttes from being buttcocked so much.”
    and the minisiter
    he heard me oh no!
    he stopped his sermon
    and walkd towards me his face turning red
    and he said
    he pointed at me, and all da womenz his harmez said “yah yah yah! a sinnerz!””
    and he pointed at me as i cowered
    in fear of hs thurndering lord’s voice
    and nice hair and pleasnant TV preacher’s smile
    owned by da bernaneknetworkz
    and the womenz all said “SINNER SINNER SINNER!”
    but yet i stood and said,
    “who is the sinner–those who buttcock, or those who sayeth and observeth that ye all be buttocking, which is an abomination in the yees of my fatheer?”
    “ABONOMINTAION! SINNER! SUCH LANUGUAGE SHALL NOT BE TOLRERATED IN THE HAOUSE OF THE LORD!!!” the minsister smited me and all the womenz followed suit with their handbabags lzolzlo
    and so they killed the messenger of our Father’s will
    as they had done to Jesusth
    and so many poets and prophets

    and while the church building let stood
    its soul was buttcocked
    obliviolnonomzlzozlzoozzozlzolzzozzlozzz ”
    Someone always has to stand up and be counted@church dude!

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