Neither Uterus Nor Opinion

Full disclosure, I am not a big fan of democracy myself, but on the other hand I don’t call myself a Democrat, so at least I’m not being hypocritical about it.

So, as recorded in the annals of the estimable R.S. McCain, the unlovely and untalented Mz. Dunham has chosen to afflict the world with her opinions on the matter of abortion. Just below I am going to include a link to Mr. McCain’s article, but be forewarned, only the truly fearless should click it, as the Dunham creature appears in a recent photograph with little clothing. If you are afflicted with either a heart condition or excellent eyesight I cannot be responsible for what damage you might incur….

Now I have recently been advised that if I have no uterus then I should express no opinion on the matter of abortion. Well, if she is telling the truth, we must certainly believe that the Dunham Horror has no uterus. Now as the decree against having an opinion issues from her side, not mine, I am quite comfortable stating that the creature in question should keep silent. Also, she should go on a strict no-carb diet, hit the gym for at least three hours a day and seek out a tattoo removal service post haste. But I digress.

Recently, within the scope of my employment, I found myself addressing a group comprised mainly of young women concerning the matter of pregnancy and the changes to the law brought about by Roe’s reversal. I began by explaining that it was purely a myth that any woman experiencing a medical emergency would be denied care; there is no state anywhere in the Union with a law prohibiting such, although the executive branch has, in an act of pernicious mischief, said otherwise. I went on to explain to my audience that both ectopic and molar pregnancies constitute medical emergencies under every jurisdiction within the U.S., and that any woman experiencing either condition would receive the same treatment that has always been available to them. The young ladies seemed to believe this to be a dubious proposal, and I can hardly fault their cynicism as it has been fueled by no lesser light than the President himself.

Continuing to present the material required for this particular group, I further explained that there is a cessation of menstruation for the duration of gestation. The assembled girls and women gave me nothing but quizzical looks and expressed a lack of understanding for my Seusian explication; hence I was forced to resort to the more vulgar “you don’t get your period while you’re pregnant.” To my dismay, the assemblage erupted in violent protest at this mere statement of biological fact. Various young women present expounded to me that their friend/cousin/sister/mama/grandma told them that they kept on getting their periods just as normal even while pregnant. One young woman present arose, finally, to speak to the group, and in eloquence nearly worthy Diogenes himself, proclaimed, “How you gonna tell me, and YOU AIN’T GOT NO COOCHIE!”

I must admit I was somewhat flummoxed, as it is indeed true that I have no coochie. Apparently my sad, sans-coochie state had left me unworthy to warn of the varied dangers of bleeding during pregnancy, which include not only the aforementioned ectopic and molar pregnancies, but infection, uterine rupture, miscarriage and all other sorts of terrible things. I longed to impart this knowledge to these young women in the hope of helping them avoid all manner of physical harm, and yet, sadly, I have no coochie.

So, friends, beware. One side has found the true seat of wisdom, the fount of knowledge, the heart of civilization, the…. Okay, enough of that. Their brains are in their coochies.

Also, check this out:

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6 responses to “Neither Uterus Nor Opinion

  1. “…there is a cessation of menstruation for the duration of gestation.”

    This is what happens normally. But…

    “Various young women present expounded to me that their friend/cousin/sister/mama/grandma told them that they kept on getting their periods just as normal even while pregnant.”

    It is not uncommon for women who are on the pill to continue menstruating after getting pregnant. This makes it more difficult for them to notice if they are pregnant, and sometimes they won’t know it until they start to bulge. This is one reason why women object to having a term limit on abortion, and why they say they may not even know they are pregnant for months after conception. BTW, this is a shameful abuse and ignorance of the body and the reproductive function, both of which are a woman’s prime asset (to both God and man).

    Their claims of having a friend/cousin/sister/mama/grandma menstruating during pregnancy is somewhat of a shocking admission that (1) they were all on the pill, (2) they’re all abusing their bodies and reproductive capabilities, and (3) they’re totally (or perhaps willfully) ignorant about how things work!

  2. “How you gonna tell me, and YOU AIN’T GOT NO COOCHIE!”

    I knew that was coming. I am sure she felt so empowered and stuff by saying it.

    I am surprised that they couldn’t find a chick to give your talk

    • In all fairness I did have to bring in an older nurse with ob-gyn experience and much more melanin then I possess to convince them. It did help that the nurse and I have a mutual friend of longstanding who is an ob-gyn and thus she was happy to talk to the young women in question. I mean “young women” in the legal as well as literal sense, as most of them were past their 18th birthdays. Amazing the things one can fail to learn despite graduating from public schools after 13 years of education.

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